She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
