Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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