I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
