I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
