speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
