you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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