i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
