Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
