Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
