I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
