he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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