took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
