I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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