Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
