I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
