to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
