Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
