I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
