What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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