walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
