We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
