3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
