so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All the doctor said was why
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
