nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
