dude i'm inner monologue high
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
