Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
