I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
