some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
