I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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