I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
