I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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