I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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