butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
