Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
