Betty ford says i'm here all night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
