I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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