Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
