I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
