Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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