just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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