I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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