you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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