I feel great
I just peed on a car
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
