at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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