Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
