What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
