I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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