every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
