Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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