she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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