I don't think brook has ever known best
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
